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I officially hate Youtube

Since the radio died (not like there are any good stations around here, anyway.  And if there are, I damn sure can't find them), I use Youtube more often than not for music in the mornings.  Because I felt more masochistic than usual after a night of dreams of Granma, I pulled up Elvis Costello's "Veronica."

I bought Spike when it first came out.  I fell in love with the song.  In my weird way, I wanted Granma to know that my music wasn't ALL bad (as far as she was concerned, most of it was noise.  And The Smiths were whiny.  But she liked Mission UK, which leads me to believe she didn't listen to lyrics much).  But she liked "Veronica."  She thought it was pretty.  And she LOVED the video.  She said he must be "a nice young man"  (the highest praise you could get from her) who obviously loved his grandmother.  So she'd occasionally let me play the tape while we made supper.

I never knew we'd be living that song eventually.  That last afternoon we had together, when she thought I was Margaret (her older sister who died when I was 5) and we held hands and sang "Ring Aroun' A-Rosie" I could NOT get "Veronica" out of my head.  It was like my brain was on split screen.  Half there, being Margaret, half outside myself, because I knew this was the last.

So, after listening to Veronica and crying my eyes out, there were the usual recommended videos.

First up?  La Costa.  She's Tanya Tucker's sister.  We had the 8 track The Very Best of LaCosta and wore it out on our trips cross country when I was a kid.  Granma looked for YEARS for another copy of that.

I had a Molly Grue moment.  Just pure anger.  That unicorn that I've been searching for for years shows up NOW?  When I can't call and say that I found the music.  That I can find a way to download it and she'll have it again.

WHEN I WAS IN FUCKING OHIO AND COULD HAVE DOWNLOADED IT AND BROUGHT IT TO HER!?!?!?

I really need to get out of this headspace.  I just ccan't.

Comments

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
yshaloo
Feb. 11th, 2016 03:18 pm (UTC)
some days the internet gods are cruel
changeling72
Feb. 11th, 2016 05:00 pm (UTC)
Sod's law. If I'm honest, I think that sort of thing will always happen - to a lesser extent, perhaps, as time goes on. All these years on, I still find things I would have liked to have shared with Nan or Grandad or my brother. It's good to still feel it, though, and to know that they're not far away.
weebleswobble
Feb. 11th, 2016 11:47 pm (UTC)
*hugs*
corellian_sugar
Feb. 12th, 2016 12:18 am (UTC)
I am so sorry. Sometimes, the fates are cruel, cruel bitches. :::hugs::: Thinking of you!
twicet
Feb. 12th, 2016 02:43 am (UTC)
Little things that remind of your loss always trip us up when we are not in the right space to deal with them.
poniesandphotos
Feb. 12th, 2016 04:10 am (UTC)
:( *hugs*
opakele
Feb. 12th, 2016 04:58 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry.
communitybee
Feb. 12th, 2016 10:13 am (UTC)
❤️
nightshade1972
Feb. 12th, 2016 12:53 pm (UTC)
*Gentlehugs*

<3
davesmusictank
Feb. 12th, 2016 03:10 pm (UTC)
Internet does not allow for your feelings. Deep hugs form me.
zimon66
Feb. 17th, 2016 03:56 am (UTC)
Nice knowing I'm not the only one who sometimes has "Molly Grues". Haven't yet had the urge to punch the 'corn in the nose.

Maybe Granma did a YouTube variation of Pennies from Heaven?
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )