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There are some things you just shouldn't ask me.

Makeup tips.  How to walk in heels.  The proper way to prepare an artichoke.  Just not my skill set.

Another of these is lingerie.  The ex was all about it--hell, it was pretty much mandatory--and one of the first things I did when we split up was burn EVERYTHING.  (Pro tip:  Walmart lingerie is fucking flammable.  Stay away from candles!)

An old college buddy hit me up for advice today.  She's in a new-ish relationship (+/- 6 months) after being single for about a decade and wants something to "knock his socks off."

I hemmed and hawed, offered the usual suggestions, and got the dreaded, "Well, what do you wear?  I mean, what is something that just drives him wild?"

*sigh*  If her man doesn't find a Kiss 'Destroyer' tank top and black lace boy shorts sexy, I don't know what to do...

Comments

( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
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notodette
Feb. 13th, 2016 12:09 am (UTC)
LOL, I have always been the WORST at lingerie. I haven't even attempted it in years.
mac_arthur_park
Feb. 13th, 2016 12:47 pm (UTC)
I always wore what the ex bought me. I have bought a couple of cute pieces since Kent and I got together, but they're mostly collecting dust in the corner of my underwear drawer.
eacole72
Feb. 13th, 2016 01:05 am (UTC)
I'm guessing La Perla isn't in the budget...

mac_arthur_park
Feb. 13th, 2016 12:45 pm (UTC)
Actually, for her, it might be.


I'll pass that along. Hopefully they have express shipping?
(no subject) - eacole72 - Feb. 13th, 2016 02:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
dancingdragon3
Feb. 13th, 2016 03:19 am (UTC)
I thought the point of lingerie was that women think they look better and sexier with a little something on (I agree. It's like highlighting/outlining or something.) I thought men in general, but especially straight cis men prefer to see their lover totally naked. Like the make-up thing. And yes, I know generalizing is bad!

If you're asking for opinions, I think she should ask him what he likes.

Have a good weekend!

Edited at 2016-02-13 03:21 am (UTC)
opakele
Feb. 13th, 2016 03:57 am (UTC)
Nightsky says, 'Don't buy it, it's just going to come off...'
mac_arthur_park
Feb. 13th, 2016 12:48 pm (UTC)
That's pretty much the spousebeast's attitude. It was weird when we first got together, because I thought lingerie was required.
changeling72
Feb. 13th, 2016 07:43 am (UTC)
I can run in three-inch stillies! Not that I include that skill on LinkedIn...
mac_arthur_park
Feb. 13th, 2016 12:50 pm (UTC)
I would break an ankle. It sucks, because I used to be able to ROCK some 4 inch stillettos.

Now, I can roll an ankle on 1 inch kitten heels. Having kids royally fucks with your center of gravity.
(no subject) - changeling72 - Feb. 16th, 2016 08:29 am (UTC) - Expand
mimoiikit143
Feb. 13th, 2016 09:10 am (UTC)
Always been horrid at make up and putting stuff on my face other than food but I enjoy having good ole lingerie for myself and not anyone else (fuck patriarchy lmao)
mac_arthur_park
Feb. 13th, 2016 12:51 pm (UTC)
And that's as it should be!
ellie_nor
Feb. 13th, 2016 10:38 am (UTC)
Whatever makes a person feel confident in their body and self.
mac_arthur_park
Feb. 13th, 2016 12:53 pm (UTC)
I kept trying to reinforce that. And that he might like something completely off the "normal" guy script.

Like Kent and his Kiss tanktop fetish. ;)
gonzo21
Feb. 13th, 2016 10:57 am (UTC)
It's funny how programmed some women are that they Must Always Have Sexy New Underwear To IMpress Boy. It's like... boy don't care if he gets to touch what's in it.
mac_arthur_park
Feb. 13th, 2016 01:01 pm (UTC)
There are some guys out there who consider it a requirement.

Thankfully, I don't have any of those in my life anymore.
(no subject) - belleweather - Feb. 13th, 2016 02:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mimoiikit143 - Feb. 14th, 2016 02:17 am (UTC) - Expand
communitybee
Feb. 13th, 2016 10:57 am (UTC)
How to walk in heels, not my forte either, but I hope your advice knocked his socks off....
an_su
Feb. 13th, 2016 12:46 pm (UTC)
It's kind of taking things blindly anyway, each person's preferences are different... She should know her boyfriend better than you can guess :))
mac_arthur_park
Feb. 13th, 2016 12:59 pm (UTC)
I think she's building this up as the BIG SEX weekend. That never ends well.

Heck, he might not even like lingerie (and might feel like he's supposed to). I was stunned when Kent told me he really doesn't like it and to just wear it if *I* like it.

Which would have been nicer if I'd known after four hours on a plane wearing a thong and thigh high stockings....
(no subject) - xjenavivex - Feb. 14th, 2016 06:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
fbhjr
Feb. 13th, 2016 01:28 pm (UTC)
What are you preparing the artichokes to do?
I think they'd be OK for simple tasks. But, nothing complex...
nightshade1972
Feb. 13th, 2016 02:25 pm (UTC)
My husband finds it greatly amusing that I prefer to wear a plain white cotton bra, and white cotton briefs. I never did get that excited about lingerie. Fortunately, he doesn't either.

:-)

Edited at 2016-02-13 02:26 pm (UTC)
belleweather
Feb. 13th, 2016 02:36 pm (UTC)
www.adoreme.com is the cheapest decent fancy undies/lingerie I have found, especially for people with >C cup and or >36 band size. I don't use them for everyday undies anymore because they don't hold up that well, but they're my go-to for cute jammies and undies for when I want to impress someone. :)
mspeacockwi
Feb. 13th, 2016 03:39 pm (UTC)

This entire thing made me lol.


I told my hubby I'm  never wasting money on fancy lingerie.  I just don't see the point.   I understand it's a turn on for some people but I see it as unnecessary lol

howlin_wolf_66
Feb. 13th, 2016 03:59 pm (UTC)
Sounds like a decent outfit, to me! :D
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( 33 comments — Leave a comment )