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Dec. 7th, 2016

So...I survived my first weekend on the floor.

Hate a good number of my coworkers and have fallen in love with the residents. I think that's as it should be, rather than the other way 'round.  I'm fairly certain that my coworkers aren't much fond of me, either, because I actually want to do my job and do it correctly and well.  These are someone's GRANDPARENTS.  Get your head out of your ass, your eyes off your cell phone and FUCKING PAY ATTENTION.

Yeah.  They're gonna hate me.  Because this isn't just a job to me.  This is penance for assuming my mother would take care of my grandparents.  I WILL make amends.

The irony is that the CNA who is mentoring me on the evening shift is named Richard, just like my grandpa.  And we have a Frances, who is the antithesis of Granma.

We call them Fran and Dan the Man.  He's in assisted living, she's in memory care...although I am 99.9998% positive she's back there because the nurses are squeeged out by geriatric sexuality and a door with a code is the easiest way to put a stop to that.  Although they are sneaky as fuck, and I honestly think it would save everyone time and trouble if they just put them in a room together.

If nothing else, it would keep them from pleasuring each other during church services, which I got stuck going to FOUR of this weekend.  It's voluntary, but I helped get the residents who wanted to go to the room and then *poof* every other aide and CNA disappeared.  So it's me, a motely assortment of people in varying stages of demetia, a Baptist choir that sounds like Sister Act before Whoopi showed up...and the dynamic duo going at it like they're it the back seat of a '65 Mustang.

On the way back from one of these lovely experiences (oh, and in case y'all didn't know, I am an angel and a walking example of Christ's love.  Take that Westboro Baptist Church!  Pastor says I'm a blessing on Earth), I mentioned to Fran that it is slightly inappropriate to give your boyfriend a handjob during church.

"Well, they moan and groan and say Jesus! while they're doing their thing.  Who is going to notice?"

That is a difficult point to argue.

I have a feeling I'll be writing a book about this.

Oh, and that whole only working weekend thing?  Pardon me while I laugh.  The schedule is up for next week, and I am working Wednesday-Sunday.  46 hours.  AND I work Christmas and New Years, both of which are holiday pay.

What I really like is that Kent and I will both be pulling doubles on Christmas.  He's not a Christmas person, and I have felt a real hole in my heart because it is just another day to him.  This is actually going to mean something, and we'll be doing it together.

In other news...there is no other news.  The refurbished computer we bought needs to be scrubbed, so I'm waiting for the discs for that (and trying not to kill people).  Despite the ridiculously warm weather, the Yarn Fairy Project is in full swing and the guy sitting next to me (I'm at the Cybrary in Carrboro) is wearing on of the scarves I gave out last year.  Life is pretty good.


( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 7th, 2016 05:22 pm (UTC)
I'm not really sure what I could say here except to say that I read your post here and I was entertained, frustrated for you, frustrated for your patients, kind of amused again, and really wish you didn't have to get stuck at church OR pornchurch. Also, it sucks you are working holidays.
Dec. 7th, 2016 07:32 pm (UTC)
"Well, they moan and groan and say Jesus! while they're doing their thing. Who is going to notice?"

I just snorted so hard I think I broke something. XD
Dec. 8th, 2016 11:38 am (UTC)
Yeah, coffee went out my nose.
Dec. 12th, 2016 09:15 pm (UTC)
Yup, I seriously choked.
Dec. 7th, 2016 11:14 pm (UTC)
many giggles at fran and dan getting off in church.
Dec. 8th, 2016 12:23 am (UTC)
My daughter worked the front desk and filled in as an unofficial CNA at the place my MIL / her grandma, (Hub's mom), lives for 2 yrs. She loved the residents...was annoyed as fuck by most of the workers.

I washed dishes in a nursing home one summer for my 1st actual pay check job. The way I saw some of the workers / aides treat those old ppl made me want to:
2- punch the fuck out of the workers
3- quit

Workers did not like me because I was "educated". The senior folk loved me. All I did was think, "One of those ppl could have been my grandma if my grandma had no other options." That kept me going.
Dec. 21st, 2016 07:47 pm (UTC)
And that's what is keeping me going.
Dec. 8th, 2016 12:31 am (UTC)
Sounds like you're in an interesting job and have interesting residents. That's funny that Fran and Dan get off in church. Christ is watching them! :P :P :P

My So worked in a nursing home a long time ago before he began to work at the company he was with for 27 years.
Dec. 8th, 2016 02:24 am (UTC)
I think Fran and Dan the Man have a thing or two to teach Puritanical Americans about the holiness of a handjob. :-D

And you are a blessing, indeed. ♥

Dec. 8th, 2016 03:10 am (UTC)
Oh, Fran and Dan. Such adventures!
Dec. 8th, 2016 03:21 am (UTC)
Haha, I feel like you could definitely write a book about this job!
Dec. 8th, 2016 03:42 am (UTC)
You have just described my mom's memory ward.

The residents are dear sweet souls. Who brazonly flirt and talk trash about each other.

It's better than a soap opera.
Dec. 21st, 2016 07:48 pm (UTC)
And we've got a new guy who is quite the ladies man. things are about to get interesting up in here. ;)
Dec. 8th, 2016 03:49 am (UTC)
that is a difficult point. hahaha.
Dec. 8th, 2016 03:54 am (UTC)

Fran and Dan should be allowed to do that sort of thing - not in church. Pretty

Sure there is paper work that says as much as part of the admission process.

Dec. 8th, 2016 04:06 am (UTC)
Nursing home work is hard, and not just physically, take care of yourself.
Dec. 8th, 2016 04:25 am (UTC)
I'm glad you're there to help these guys, SOMEONE needs to care about the elderly. I don't see why they can't put those two in the same room. If they're both cognizant enough to make their own choices and it's consensual why not let them be happy?
Dec. 8th, 2016 09:43 am (UTC)
Great post as always, esp about Fran and Dan. Maybe they should put them in a room together, but I get the feeling they enjoy getting around the system! Take care. I'm not a Christmas person either, but I hang out for New Year's Eve!
Dec. 8th, 2016 10:27 am (UTC)
Sounds like the job is going swimmingly. I love how you care so much for the residents. I am sure church was most interesting.
Dec. 10th, 2016 03:46 pm (UTC)

Yay for surviving!

( 20 comments — Leave a comment )