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LJI: the weight we carry (Kummerspeck)

I never cut your toenails.  I never made sure the sheets were clean,

I just went back to my borrowed bed, cried, and woke to do it again.

On that final day your toes should have been pink, polished, and perfect.  The sheets should sing with bleach and Disney bluebirds, tending to you.  I should have done that.  But I couldn't.  I was too far away.  My hands couldn't reach far enough to save you.

You cling to me, and I can't.  I can't drown with you.  Not now, Mimi.

The weight is heavy, clinging to my shoulders as your tissue paper hands claw at mine.

I can't.  I can't.  This cloak of need is more than I can bear.  More than I've ever promised to do.  The hunger eats at me, the need to stare into those half-aware eyes and tell blithe lies.

I walk away from the grasping hands and disifectant  perfume.

:"So sweet of you to see your Grandma!    Want some candy?  We've got tons because, ya know...holidays."


Butterscotch.  Cellophane wrapped peppermints. Mini chocolate bars and ribbons of pure sugar.  I shove them into my mouth and my purse with an abandon I don't even recognize.

I will never do this again.  But the taste of butterscotch haunts me.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
mimoiikit143
Dec. 29th, 2016 06:54 pm (UTC)
*HUGS*

This was lovely and heart wrenching at the same time <3
adoptedwriter
Dec. 29th, 2016 07:09 pm (UTC)

Hugs. A chocolate soda gives me similar haunts.

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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