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I supported you from the beginning, child.  Before you even knew.  Mommies know this, and queer mommies know it even more.

I still treasure the picture of you in my long satin nightgown, the burgundy a shade that suits us both.  You're blowing bubbles, and your hair falls in auburn curls because I can't cut it just yet.

After daddy leaves me, sometimes you and your brother sleep over with me at Granma's house.  Liam falls asleep almost instantly, filled to the brim with pre-bedtime snacks and his great-Granma's all consuming love.  You take a little longer.

"Mommy, can we watch the pretty glittery movie?"

You fall asleep, drooling on my shoulder after declaring that you can sing better than Nicole Kidman.  And that Ewan McGregor is even worse at acting than Leonardo DiCaprio.  A harsh judgement from someone in penguin footie pajamas.

But you sleep.  And I worry.  I can see it coming even if you don't, child.  The world is not ready for you.

So you make it your own creation instead.

You're the clown.  You protect the younger kids.  You develop a mouth that rivals mine. When it comes down to brass tacks, you punch up instead of down.

And you still deny who you are.

I want to skate around you, protect you.  You're my baby.

But you see the goal that is clouded to me.    I can't predict your future any more.  I can't keep denying what you said so long ago.

"I only speak the truth."

The first time, you were vehemently denying your bisexuality.  The next time, you were coming out of the closet.

I fell out of love with your father.  I will never forgive him that it took so long to hear from you.  I am not the person he says I am.

"I only speak the truth."

"I only speak the truth."

"I only speak the truth."

When I look at you, my child...my perfect child, the one who everyone says looks exactly like me, I see the end game.  The words will never leave your mouth..  You will always speak the truth.  Whatever the truth is on Tuesday, you will speak it,

My child.  My perfect, perfect child.

Comments

( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
ghost_light
Jan. 4th, 2017 04:45 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful.
ghost_light
Jan. 4th, 2017 04:46 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful.
ghost_light
Jan. 4th, 2017 04:50 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful.
ghost_light
Jan. 4th, 2017 04:50 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful.
ghost_light
Jan. 4th, 2017 04:50 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful.
ghost_light
Jan. 4th, 2017 04:50 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful.
penpusher
Jan. 4th, 2017 10:35 pm (UTC)
Much love, many blessings and nothing but goodness.
adoptedwriter
Jan. 4th, 2017 11:56 pm (UTC)

Awwww. Sweet!

corellian_sugar
Jan. 5th, 2017 01:18 am (UTC)

😍😍😍

lostin_thestars
Jan. 5th, 2017 03:18 am (UTC)
So gorgeous
meri_sielu
Jan. 5th, 2017 08:21 am (UTC)
This was absolutely gorgeous to read <3
my_name_is_jenn
Jan. 5th, 2017 05:53 pm (UTC)
Aww, so sweet. :)
tonithegreat
Jan. 6th, 2017 01:58 am (UTC)
This makes me want to hug my daughters! Cheers to you, momma!
marlawentmad
Jan. 6th, 2017 07:59 pm (UTC)

That felt so good to read.

rayaso
Jan. 6th, 2017 09:00 pm (UTC)
Really wonderful! The parent in me made me really appreciate "harsh judgement from someone in penguin footie pajamas" -- perfect!
morettaallstar
Jan. 8th, 2017 02:28 pm (UTC)
<3
mamas_minion
Jan. 9th, 2017 09:32 pm (UTC)
The sentiments and feelings you are conveying here are simply wonderful.
halfshellvenus
Jan. 10th, 2017 01:13 am (UTC)
A harsh judgement from someone in penguin footie pajamas.
:)

I hope your son is able to make his way, on his own terms, as he goes forward in life. Having the love and support of one of his parents can make all the difference.
sinnamongirl
Jan. 10th, 2017 05:47 am (UTC)
Lovely <3
n8tastrophe
Jan. 10th, 2017 01:36 pm (UTC)
Very endearing and depictive. Bravo either way, but especially so if fabricated.
mac_arthur_park
Jan. 10th, 2017 05:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you. It's a tribute to my youngest.
murielle
Jan. 10th, 2017 05:18 pm (UTC)
A beautiful, loving tribute to the protagonist's child. (Don't know if it's fiction.) I love your description of this child.
mac_arthur_park
Jan. 10th, 2017 05:46 pm (UTC)
It's nonfiction. And thank you.

The user icon is him at age 8.
jake67jake
Jan. 10th, 2017 07:04 pm (UTC)
*hugs*
kajel
Jan. 10th, 2017 08:07 pm (UTC)
This was absolutely lovely.
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )