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I supported you from the beginning, child.  Before you even knew.  Mommies know this, and queer mommies know it even more.

I still treasure the picture of you in my long satin nightgown, the burgundy a shade that suits us both.  You're blowing bubbles, and your hair falls in auburn curls because I can't cut it just yet.

After daddy leaves me, sometimes you and your brother sleep over with me at Granma's house.  Liam falls asleep almost instantly, filled to the brim with pre-bedtime snacks and his great-Granma's all consuming love.  You take a little longer.

"Mommy, can we watch the pretty glittery movie?"

You fall asleep, drooling on my shoulder after declaring that you can sing better than Nicole Kidman.  And that Ewan McGregor is even worse at acting than Leonardo DiCaprio.  A harsh judgement from someone in penguin footie pajamas.

But you sleep.  And I worry.  I can see it coming even if you don't, child.  The world is not ready for you.

So you make it your own creation instead.

You're the clown.  You protect the younger kids.  You develop a mouth that rivals mine. When it comes down to brass tacks, you punch up instead of down.

And you still deny who you are.

I want to skate around you, protect you.  You're my baby.

But you see the goal that is clouded to me.    I can't predict your future any more.  I can't keep denying what you said so long ago.

"I only speak the truth."

The first time, you were vehemently denying your bisexuality.  The next time, you were coming out of the closet.

I fell out of love with your father.  I will never forgive him that it took so long to hear from you.  I am not the person he says I am.

"I only speak the truth."

"I only speak the truth."

"I only speak the truth."

When I look at you, my child...my perfect child, the one who everyone says looks exactly like me, I see the end game.  The words will never leave your mouth..  You will always speak the truth.  Whatever the truth is on Tuesday, you will speak it,

My child.  My perfect, perfect child.


( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 4th, 2017 07:45 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful.
Jan. 4th, 2017 07:46 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful.
Jan. 4th, 2017 07:50 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful.
Jan. 4th, 2017 07:50 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful.
Jan. 4th, 2017 07:50 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful.
Jan. 4th, 2017 07:50 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful.
Jan. 5th, 2017 01:35 am (UTC)
Much love, many blessings and nothing but goodness.
Jan. 5th, 2017 02:56 am (UTC)

Awwww. Sweet!

Jan. 5th, 2017 04:18 am (UTC)


Jan. 5th, 2017 06:18 am (UTC)
So gorgeous
Jan. 5th, 2017 11:21 am (UTC)
This was absolutely gorgeous to read <3
Jan. 5th, 2017 08:53 pm (UTC)
Aww, so sweet. :)
Jan. 6th, 2017 04:58 am (UTC)
This makes me want to hug my daughters! Cheers to you, momma!
Jan. 6th, 2017 10:59 pm (UTC)

That felt so good to read.

Jan. 7th, 2017 12:00 am (UTC)
Really wonderful! The parent in me made me really appreciate "harsh judgement from someone in penguin footie pajamas" -- perfect!
Jan. 8th, 2017 05:28 pm (UTC)
Jan. 10th, 2017 12:32 am (UTC)
The sentiments and feelings you are conveying here are simply wonderful.
Jan. 10th, 2017 04:13 am (UTC)
A harsh judgement from someone in penguin footie pajamas.

I hope your son is able to make his way, on his own terms, as he goes forward in life. Having the love and support of one of his parents can make all the difference.
Jan. 10th, 2017 08:47 am (UTC)
Lovely <3
Jan. 10th, 2017 04:36 pm (UTC)
Very endearing and depictive. Bravo either way, but especially so if fabricated.
Jan. 10th, 2017 08:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you. It's a tribute to my youngest.
Jan. 10th, 2017 08:18 pm (UTC)
A beautiful, loving tribute to the protagonist's child. (Don't know if it's fiction.) I love your description of this child.
Jan. 10th, 2017 08:46 pm (UTC)
It's nonfiction. And thank you.

The user icon is him at age 8.
Jan. 10th, 2017 10:04 pm (UTC)
Jan. 10th, 2017 11:07 pm (UTC)
This was absolutely lovely.
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )