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LJI: Heel Turn

I was always the good girl.

You were the one who had to push me, then paint me as evil, as the one who ruined everything.  You ignore the fact that you opened the door and I walked through.  There was a good bit of trepidation on my part, but I trusted when you said it would all be fine.  It would always be fine.  You gave a little push that was meant to be encouraging.

Until I enjoyed it.  Suddenly, it wasn't fine.  It wasn't okay.  Not for me.  Not to give in enthusiastically, have the colors whirl behind my eyes and the sensations take over.

Apparently, it's only okay Iif I cry afterwards.

But I write it down.  All of it,  the thick paper soaking up ink drains me of the questions, of the trepidation.  Then there is sensation.  There is joy.  There's something you will never know.

Paint me evil.  I have my notebooks, and I know better.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
rayaso
Jan. 22nd, 2017 09:48 pm (UTC)
I hope this was not borne of personal experience. It is a great interpretation of a "heel turn."
mac_arthur_park
Jan. 25th, 2017 01:21 pm (UTC)
Thank you! And it was.
uselesstinrelic
Jan. 23rd, 2017 07:06 am (UTC)
I find myself left with a lot of questions, but I appreciate how much you were able to establish in so little.
mac_arthur_park
Jan. 25th, 2017 01:21 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
penpusher
Jan. 24th, 2017 11:30 am (UTC)
I'm a big proponent of writing as therapy! Good to see that you are as well.
mac_arthur_park
Jan. 25th, 2017 01:22 pm (UTC)
My paper journal has saved my life more than once. I take it with me *everywhere*.
halfshellvenus
Jan. 26th, 2017 06:03 pm (UTC)
I think this is the first entry I've read where the betrayal is in someone's incorrect interpretation of who you are or should be. The unfairness of the trap you describe... we may not have known the same trap, but most of us know it in some other form.

I'm glad writing helps you move through and past these incidents.
roina_arwen
Jan. 26th, 2017 10:06 pm (UTC)
*Hugs*
eternal_ot
Jan. 27th, 2017 11:23 am (UTC)
Ah!The other side of the story. This was an interesting take. Good Job!
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )