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LJI: Heel Turn

I was always the good girl.

You were the one who had to push me, then paint me as evil, as the one who ruined everything.  You ignore the fact that you opened the door and I walked through.  There was a good bit of trepidation on my part, but I trusted when you said it would all be fine.  It would always be fine.  You gave a little push that was meant to be encouraging.

Until I enjoyed it.  Suddenly, it wasn't fine.  It wasn't okay.  Not for me.  Not to give in enthusiastically, have the colors whirl behind my eyes and the sensations take over.

Apparently, it's only okay Iif I cry afterwards.

But I write it down.  All of it,  the thick paper soaking up ink drains me of the questions, of the trepidation.  Then there is sensation.  There is joy.  There's something you will never know.

Paint me evil.  I have my notebooks, and I know better.


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 23rd, 2017 12:48 am (UTC)
I hope this was not borne of personal experience. It is a great interpretation of a "heel turn."
Jan. 25th, 2017 04:21 pm (UTC)
Thank you! And it was.
Jan. 23rd, 2017 10:06 am (UTC)
I find myself left with a lot of questions, but I appreciate how much you were able to establish in so little.
Jan. 25th, 2017 04:21 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Jan. 24th, 2017 02:30 pm (UTC)
I'm a big proponent of writing as therapy! Good to see that you are as well.
Jan. 25th, 2017 04:22 pm (UTC)
My paper journal has saved my life more than once. I take it with me *everywhere*.
Jan. 26th, 2017 09:03 pm (UTC)
I think this is the first entry I've read where the betrayal is in someone's incorrect interpretation of who you are or should be. The unfairness of the trap you describe... we may not have known the same trap, but most of us know it in some other form.

I'm glad writing helps you move through and past these incidents.
Jan. 27th, 2017 01:06 am (UTC)
Jan. 27th, 2017 02:23 pm (UTC)
Ah!The other side of the story. This was an interesting take. Good Job!
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )