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LJI: Where I'm From

I am from her worst mistake.

I am from a marriage too early.

I am from dreams stifled and abandoned, the ashes shoved in an imaginary box in the linen closet, behind notebooks of poetry and pictures of a smiling girl in white go-go boots.

I am from his temper.

I am from the Iowa farm boy who watched his teddy bear burn in a trash pile when he was too old for such things.

I am from the "Don't cry."  From hers, from his.  Never cry.  I am from my own "Don't cry."

I am from his hands where they shouldn't be.  I am from his friends' hands.  I am from screwing my eyes shut and still seeing those perfect one inch ocean blue tiles behind my eyes.  (The grout was black)

I am from waffles on Saturday and games of Monopoly and pretending this never happened.

I am from denial.

I am from the perfect parish portrait on Sunday.

I am from knowing that melmac dishes don't break when you throw them, but spaghetti squash throws vegetal shrapnel that you will be finding for weeks.

I am from celebrations that he's gone on deployment.  From moments where there is frozen yogurt for dinner and re-runs of The Monkees and you can buy whatever you want.

I am from Bobby Vinton records and Twinkies and her crying and not knowing what to do for her.

I am from calling overseas and having a woman answer and understanding suddenly and far too early.

I am from denial.

I am from her temper.

I am from her hand across my cheek.  I am from the mark that fades, but burns still.

I am from the truth.  I am from learning the truth is always punished.

I am from...

I am...

I...

...

Comments

( 28 comments — Leave a comment )
fitzjameshorse
Jan. 30th, 2017 03:18 pm (UTC)
Powerful.
adoptedwriter
Jan. 30th, 2017 03:50 pm (UTC)

Wow wee wow wee!!!

dimity_blue
Jan. 30th, 2017 05:26 pm (UTC)
I have no words. *offers hugs*
mac_arthur_park
Jan. 30th, 2017 07:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
mimoiikit143
Jan. 30th, 2017 05:33 pm (UTC)
Stunning <3
dancingdragon3
Jan. 30th, 2017 07:08 pm (UTC)
This is very sad and real.
twicet
Jan. 30th, 2017 07:35 pm (UTC)
Hugs you.
communitybee
Jan. 30th, 2017 09:12 pm (UTC)

God I can relate...

ravenfeather
Jan. 30th, 2017 11:22 pm (UTC)
Yep. Many of us are, but you have written it poetically. The scars are permanent though.
mac_arthur_park
Jan. 31st, 2017 04:58 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
labelleizzy
Jan. 31st, 2017 01:15 am (UTC)
Wow, honey. Damn.
weebleswobble
Jan. 31st, 2017 04:27 am (UTC)
agreed, very powerful. very very... close to home without being my story.

and i've managed to break melmac plates... it wasnt easy.
mac_arthur_park
Jan. 31st, 2017 10:57 am (UTC)
In my furst marriage, I had a day (one of many) where I wanted to just break something. Actually, not wanted....NEEDED.

Corelle ware doesn't go down without a fight, either. I spent the better part of 30 minutes flinging that plate against a fucking tree over and over and OVER.
weebleswobble
Jan. 31st, 2017 04:21 pm (UTC)
i've never managed to break corelle. i love that stuff.
mac_arthur_park
Jan. 31st, 2017 04:41 pm (UTC)
I do, too! When we finally get finances together, I'm going to replace our mismatched stuff with one of the pretty patterns. I love the one with ivy around the edge.
nightshade1972
Feb. 1st, 2017 03:15 am (UTC)
I have full service for eight in the Callaway (green ivy) pattern. Would you be interested? All I ask is that you reimburse me for shipping (no idea how much it'd be).
lynn82md
Jan. 31st, 2017 12:18 pm (UTC)
Powerful, but very sad that you came from that *huge hugs*
mac_arthur_park
Jan. 31st, 2017 04:57 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
nightshade1972
Feb. 1st, 2017 03:17 am (UTC)
Very powerful read. Sorry you had to live like that.
suesniffsglue
Feb. 1st, 2017 03:56 pm (UTC)
This gave me chills. Particularly "I am from the perfect parish portrait on a Sunday." There is true power in your words. Wow.
unmowngrass
Feb. 1st, 2017 11:26 pm (UTC)
*hugs* amazing writing. powerful.
kajel
Feb. 2nd, 2017 02:38 am (UTC)
This was a powerful piece.
oxymoron67
Feb. 2nd, 2017 10:07 pm (UTC)
Excellent work.
eternal_ot
Feb. 3rd, 2017 12:26 pm (UTC)
*Hugs* Very well crafted!
rayaso
Feb. 3rd, 2017 03:47 pm (UTC)
Very powerful, especially the way "I am" grows until the end. Burning a child's teddy bear in front of him takes a special kind of cruelty and indifference.
alycewilson
Feb. 5th, 2017 08:30 pm (UTC)
Sad and powerfully written.
halfshellvenus
Feb. 5th, 2017 09:15 pm (UTC)
So vivid, and full of so much ache and so many hard truths learned too early, some that should never have been learned at all.

I am from the Iowa farm boy who watched his teddy bear burn in a trash pile when he was too old for such things.
What an awful, awful thing to do to a child, but such common thinking once-- and for some people, still.

The structure of the ending here was perfect.
murielle
Feb. 5th, 2017 10:47 pm (UTC)
A very strong entry. I love the way you structured it.

Brava!
( 28 comments — Leave a comment )