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Well, THAT was unexpected

Phone rang shortly after 8.  It was mother.  Kent decided it was an excellent time to flee to the shower.  (Coward)

I was fully expecting a dressing down for being mean to my sister after Hairgate 2017.  Instead, she was calling to say that she will be incommunicado while she moves house this week.  She FINALLY got that pos she's married to to evict his stepmother from the house that his father put *in my mother's name* before he died.

Only took 6 years.

So, yay!  She will no longer be living in a place falling down her ears (and she's married to a contractor.  Of course, Grandpa was a body/fender man and a mechanic, and we never had a car that worked as it should) and coated in black mold.  I'm happy for her.

THEN she mentioned Hairgate 2017.  She prefaced it with "You girls are grown.  I wish you wouldn't bicker."

Bicker!?!?!?  I posted a silly meme on FB, and my sister had to proclaim I don't know my own haircolor.  So I got fed up and called her out on it.  Yeah, I'm the mean sister.

Ummmm....mother took my side.  Hauled out the photo album and showed her that, while my hair was a darker shade, we're both redheads by birth.  Boom.

I don't know why this is so important my sister.  I don't know why half of the shit that my sister tries to gaslight me about is important to her.  I know I should take the high road and shake it off, but I have finally reached the point where I can't for my own mental safety.  Mother says I'm crazy and make shit up about my sexual abuse.  My ex swears I'm bipolar and I only ever said he hit me to get sympathy (he also implied that the bruises and marks were self harming behavior, which is so far beyond bullshit.  Do I self harm?  Yes.  It drink too much and fall asleep and chew my lower lip bloody in my sleep. If that's self harm, guilty as charged.  And this accusation comes from a shrink WHO IS ALSO A CUTTER).  I'm tired of when I speak my truth, someone is waiting in the sidelines to say I got it wrong.

Fucking haircolor?  Really?

It was nice for mother to take my side for once.

And, apparently, I have my halo back.  I'm the good daughter again.  Apparently, mom's "we have to take care of Steffy because she's sickly and has a genius IQ and is 'heavy' and the world just doesn't understand her" has done worn out.

"All she does is sit on the sofa, drink beer, and smoke cigarettes.  Sometimes she makes a meal if she wants it.  And she is just RUDE to me.  I don't need to be talked to like I'm a [r word redacted]."

So...not crazy.  My sister really is an evil, entitled bitch.  And my family made her that way, so that's another knot to untangle.

My circus, my monkeys...but I can let them throw feces at each other for a while while I decide if/when to intervene, right?

The most damning thing?  And it is not fair, because Stef's narritive is way worse than mine (I have no idea about mother's.  I thought her story was finanicial slavery and cheating. Although I now know he hit her.  I don't know what all else went down).  Mother said "You know, I was in an abusive relationship.  YOU were in an abusive relationship.  YOU NEVER tried to hurt the people who were trying to help you."

Apparently, if you give my sister a couple of vodka tonics, she goes from sneering condescention to physical violence.  And my sister is not a tiny person.  She's  5'10" and has spent the last 30some years building and tearing down sets.  Mother barely tops five feet and her main activities are watching HGTV and petting the dog.

I should go to Bristol and stage an intervention.  I should stay here and pretend I don't know these people.

I don't know.

But the sick thing out of all of this is...I have mother's approval again.  And I am happy about it.  How immensely fucked up is it tat I can look at all of this and smile because I'm "the good daughter" again?


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 31st, 2017 05:39 pm (UTC)
I'm glad things are mending between you and your mum. And I'm sorry so many people have tried to change your truth. *hugs*
Feb. 1st, 2017 12:08 am (UTC)
Well, it's less about being fucked up than about basic emotional self-preservation. If you're the GD, then that's one less thing to have to deal with when it comes to your family!
Feb. 1st, 2017 12:40 am (UTC)
it has to be nice to hear the words. <3
Feb. 1st, 2017 01:02 am (UTC)
Its the emotion that is important. I have been in therapy since I was 9 years old trying to deal with this kind of crap. (mother and sister sociopaths, pedophilic and sexual abuse from uncle and grandfather) but it DOES feel good when one of them supports you. It is that little kid craving for approval that is satisfied.
Feb. 1st, 2017 10:27 am (UTC)
As the evil child, I know how good it feels to be "the good one".
Feb. 3rd, 2017 12:49 pm (UTC)
How immensely fucked up is it tat I can look at all of this and smile because I'm "the good daughter" again?

Because that is how you were brought up. All those buttons your mother pushes? She installed them. But you are self-aware enough to recognise the dysfunction.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )