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I'm no fucking angel

I work as a personal care assistant in a memory care unit.  I volunteer at a food mission when I can.  I crochet scarves for the homeless and hats for preemies.

I also cuss like a sailor.  I am a bipolypagan painslut (although lately...let's just say that ship is in dry dock, damnit.  I'm just too fucking tired).  I am a noncustodial parent of two grown children, only one of whom speaks to me on a regular basis.

And I drink.  Probably more than is seemly for a woman of my age and job description.  Well, probably more than society thinks.  And I make no apologies.

When I was little and still Catholic, I wanted to be a nun.  I figured that was the fast track to sainthood, which was my real goal.  Now, I have family members and visiting clergy and social workers taking me aside at work telling me how good I am, how blessed I will be, how I am a saint or a "living angel" or "Christ in action."

My inner nun-wannabe is THRILLED.  I'm just....uncomfortable.  (Especially the Christ thing.  I appreciate what she's trying to convey, but...er...I've been Jesus in a gender flipped production of Jesus Christ Superstar.  Neither of us probably want to go there).  I know I'm a good person, if flawed.  I do my job.  I love my residents.  I dislike most of my coworkers.  I whisper the occasional "Seriously?" when a resident walks by me and I know that means one more epic diaper change before I get to leave.  I'm probably Chaotic Good on my best days and Chaotic Neutral on my worst.

Today would be choice the second.  I want to say I have one foot out the door at work, but what it really seems is that I have one foot dragging me deeper in.

Yesterday, though.  Oh, yesterday.

I'll spare y'all the seriously tedious details about politics in-house (although I am starting to consider calling it "Game of Wheelchairs."  It's like fucking Survivor in there.  And I have no tribe, and my one alliance member is going off to make fucking noodles).  And the new Sales Manager who makes Mama Rose look passive .  "Let's put on our best faces and show this new room!"

Yes, she said that.

The day got worse and worse, and then we had Charlie.

I love that he visits his mom.  I don't love that he is clearly a broken Alpha Male who "helps" us pass meals and tries to take everything over.  Spend time with your mother who can barely stand you.  Let us do our work.


I was trying to clear the tables and he was taking them out of my hands.

Then he told me he'd seen me at the bus stop on Monday (my FUCKING DAY OFF!!!).  He didn't say hi, but he told me AT WORK that he saw me getting on a specific bus, wanted to guess where I was getting off, and said that you never know who is watching.

Oh, but he's not stalking me.  Yeah.  Thanks for clarifying that.

I went into panic mode.  The implication was that I was doing something bad.  What was I doing?  I was sitting with a former coworker with a huge bottle of wine.  On my day off.

Uh...yeah.

I'd go to HR, but they're worthless and usually unavailable.

My chest STILL feels tight.  And he'll probably be visiting his mother tomorrow.

Did I mention my stress hives are back in full force?  Right arm from elbow to midway to the wrist looks like a rake has gone over it, because I have been itching compulsively again.

Oh, and I am off today.  I won't be leaving the house, but I am damn sure finishing up that wine.

Comments

( 28 comments — Leave a comment )
seaivy
Mar. 23rd, 2017 03:13 pm (UTC)
how about a basic protection spell
you probably know how better than i do
the 4 elements and a token
if you need more - message me
Big Blessings!!!
mac_arthur_park
Mar. 27th, 2017 09:15 am (UTC)
Thank is a brilliant idea. Thank you!
lorigami
Mar. 23rd, 2017 03:29 pm (UTC)
gross on stalker. just gross. =(
man_of_snows
Mar. 23rd, 2017 03:49 pm (UTC)
I am sorry. So sorry. He probably thinks in his own head that you should take it as a compliment.

My suggestion, let him take a shiv.
dadi
Mar. 23rd, 2017 04:35 pm (UTC)
I have said it already and I repeat it: change job. You are way to much an empath to do this. I know because I am one too.
raynedanser
Mar. 24th, 2017 07:24 pm (UTC)
I was about to say something very similar to this. It's hard to be an empath when it's an emotionally demanding job.

Plus stalker dude is very creepy.
mac_arthur_park
Mar. 27th, 2017 09:19 am (UTC)
I'm giving it serious thought. I am getting some pressure from the kitchen to step into Kent's job (largely from the kitchen staff, who know I am more than qualified), but if I change jobs, I think I need to leave that place entirely.
dadi
Mar. 27th, 2017 10:55 am (UTC)
I think so too.. I have just refused another offer to do the work I am doing as a volunteer for the refugees for one of the welfare organizations as a hired employee (with benefits!) and I refused (my parents and husband would kill me if they knew..). Because I just know I would go crazy having to do these things following RULES and COMPANY POLICIES and stuff. Much better doing something for these people on my own free time and doing it as I see fit.. I think that would be the same thing for you!
dimity_blue
Mar. 23rd, 2017 04:37 pm (UTC)
Try not to let him get to you. He has to get his kicks by pulling this kind of crap. What a loser.
gneu
Mar. 23rd, 2017 04:53 pm (UTC)
Who's to say that your "flaws" are really flaws if you don't follow a "rule book" like society dictates?

Watch: Alpha Male might be going for a sympathy fuck after mamma dies.
mac_arthur_park
Mar. 27th, 2017 09:20 am (UTC)
Rhank you. And....ew. You are probably right.
mseuphrates
Mar. 23rd, 2017 05:32 pm (UTC)
Ugh. "Helpful" family members were the bane of my existence at my former job (well that and the fellow aides I wanted to toss off the roof, I did the work of at least 3 people most days, they were less than useless). *huge hugs*
spikesgirl58
Mar. 23rd, 2017 05:34 pm (UTC)
Salute! Wine understands me and I understand it.
monkiainen
Mar. 23rd, 2017 06:30 pm (UTC)
That's just creepy. Eww :(
ellettra
Mar. 23rd, 2017 07:56 pm (UTC)
Good god. I am so sorry you're having to deal with this.
annelaure
Mar. 24th, 2017 12:07 am (UTC)
I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this..
weebleswobble
Mar. 24th, 2017 12:25 am (UTC)
i dont like that he recognizes you outside of your job, much less that he paid attention to what bus you got on and where it would go. dont like that at all. thats super creepy.

i think technically you could tell him that he cant be helping you at work, it opens the home up to lawsuits.
corellian_sugar
Mar. 24th, 2017 03:29 am (UTC)
Okay, that situation was Charlie is super creepy. Even if HR is useless, I'd at least put the last encounter with him (the whole bus, you never know who's watching you convo) in writing and file it with HR, just a cover your ass sort of thing. Just in case, because.... wow, total creeper. :/

Enjoy that wine. You certainly deserve it! And I really hope things start to improve a little... if they don't, would you consider jumping ship and going to that favorite grocery store of yours?
millysdaughter
Mar. 25th, 2017 02:58 pm (UTC)
Put it in writing and get it on file with HR
If he shows up at your home door, follow Biden's advice...
communitybee
Mar. 24th, 2017 09:27 am (UTC)
Mann ... I hope you de stress on. How odd.
lynn82md
Mar. 25th, 2017 11:51 pm (UTC)
That's creepy what that guy is doing
cielamara
Mar. 26th, 2017 08:19 pm (UTC)
Ward yoself. That motherfucker sounds creepy as shit.
nucleosides
Mar. 26th, 2017 11:00 pm (UTC)

*hugs* :(

mac_arthur_park
Mar. 27th, 2017 09:21 am (UTC)
Thank you! *hugs*
tjoel2
Mar. 27th, 2017 06:50 pm (UTC)
You totally had me after "bipolypagan painslut".

And wow.....sort of stalker-ish there. I don't blame you for staying home.
mac_arthur_park
Mar. 29th, 2017 03:51 am (UTC)
*g* Glad to know.
tjoel2
Mar. 27th, 2017 06:51 pm (UTC)
You totally had me after "bipolypagan painslut".

And wow.....sort of stalker-ish there. I don't blame you for staying home.
( 28 comments — Leave a comment )