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"...This is her alter ego.  She's currently watching the Today Show and day drinking to Matt Lauer.  If you are her mother, her mother in law, or calling to ask her to come into work, let's just say that I am here to prevent her from saying something regrettable.  Thank you for calling.  Bye now, and have a lovely day."

Okay, in all fairness, *I* am the genius who decided yesterday to make the proactive move and come in today because a) we had a "mandatory" unit meeting (what a fucking laugh.  The only people who attended were already working first shift, and our lone 2nd shift early bird who was scheduled to work anyway) and b) they've moved L from 1st to 2nd shift, without covering her shifts for the rest of the week.  So I was probably going to get called anyway.  Better to KNOW I have to get my ass up in the morning.

[So, of course, Kent brought home tasty adult beverages and fun toys last night (yes, I'm a grown woman who owns a restaurant grade whipped cream cannister that has never seen the inside of a kitchen.  I came late to the party).  Figures.  BUT, I have heard rumors that I will have my first weekend off since I started in December this coming weekend, so they'll keep.  Except the beverage.  I'm well into the wine]

And, oh jeez....I don't know WHAT the residents got into.  I occasionally have to break up screaming matches.  Today, it was physical fights.  I compared it to geriatric UFC at first, but have since amended it to WWE.  Canes and walkers and wheelchairs as weapons, oh my!

I'm sure my shins will recover and the bruise on my arm will fade (jeez, lady, you were just swarming with grandkids and passing out hard candies 15 minutes ago), but my brain may never recover from the language some of those sweet little old ladies used at one another.

And it was *just* the women.  The guys pretty much kept to themselves/ignored it.  Okay, aside from one who kept chanting "Girl fight!  Girl fight!" and another yelling "Ladies, behave yourselves!"

The meeting was half an hour of my life I'll never get back and accomplished nothing.  My concerns/complaints were blown off, and all my coworkers who were going to support me?  Yeah.  Curiously silent.  Gee, thanks, y'all.

Yeah, my phone is DEFINITELY not working tomorrow.  And neither am I.

And I came home to three messages from my MiL (all almost identical.  She's slipping, and that really scares me) and one from mother.  By the time I got to mother, I just hollered "Not today, Satan!" and opened the wine.

The irony of the fact that I drink wine to deal with/avoid dealing with mother is not lost on me.

I wonder what she wants?  More specifically, I wonder what part of the few happy bits of my formative years have been destroyed/sold/demolished/inexplicably lost?

At least I finished my LJI piece and DID NOT write about Happy Acres (okay, not directly).  I was hoping to come up with something funny, but I am not so much with the funny this season, it seems.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
communitybee
Mar. 29th, 2017 09:24 am (UTC)
Yes. Temporarily break your phone!!! Lol.
monkiainen
Mar. 30th, 2017 04:16 pm (UTC)
Yup, you have a very good reason(s) for not answering your phone.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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mac_arthur_park
The fucking YARN FAIRY!

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