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It finally hit me this morning.  I woke up at four am, despite swearing I was sleeping in today.  I was trying to be quiet so Kent wouldn't wake up (which is beyond silly, because he could probably sleep through a second chair middle school brass band playing the theme from Star Wars in our bedroom).

So I got up, muddled around, made Kent some coffee (I am trying SO HARD to not go back on the bean.  One of his buddies slipped him an abandonded bag of hazelnut French roast, which is NOT HELPING).  and sent him off   I made myself some oatmeal and started watching the coverage of the Ascot races (okay, I'm only in it for the hats).

Then I looked at the time nd realized, on a "normal" Saturday, I'd have finished passing breakfast, started feeding the residents who need assistance, and announced Alicia's Saturday Double Feature.  I already had the movies picked.  I'd bought a bunch of crayons and made coloring pages for the residents who don't like movies.

I lost my shit.  The full on ugly cry.  I feel like I abandonded my people.  This is not a vacation.  This is for good.

I hate this.

Comments

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
ravenfeather
Jun. 23rd, 2018 03:59 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry.
ghost_light
Jun. 23rd, 2018 04:10 pm (UTC)
*hugs you so tight*
jaelle_n_gilla
Jun. 23rd, 2018 04:30 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I'm sorry, dear! I know how it feels.
seaivy
Jun. 23rd, 2018 04:35 pm (UTC)
yes
you are a bright spirit
and it hurts
but you did what you had to do
you have a life to lead
May Al Be Well
spiffikins
Jun. 23rd, 2018 09:04 pm (UTC)
I remember the first time that I left a job that actually meant something - I kept it together until I got out of the building - but halfway to the bus stop, I stopped at a park bench, and bawled my eyes out.

Big hugs to you.
opakele
Jun. 23rd, 2018 10:26 pm (UTC)
You have to take care of you before you can take care of anyone else. Sadly, management couldn't see the gem they had and had their heads firmly planted up their respective arses.

Have a good cry and see how you feel in a bit.

Take care of you.
yesididit2
Jun. 26th, 2018 01:43 pm (UTC)
I second this, all of it!
*hugs*
blue_eye
Jun. 24th, 2018 12:35 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry.
imagine_peace
Jun. 24th, 2018 01:49 am (UTC)
beetourista
Jun. 24th, 2018 04:19 am (UTC)

Thinking of you xxx

communitybee
Jun. 24th, 2018 08:06 am (UTC)
I am so sorry this happened to you. You had, and still do have, a tremendous dedication to the people who were in your care and that is most important.
dimity_blue
Jun. 24th, 2018 02:33 pm (UTC)
*hugs tightly* You did the right thing.
elainegrey
Jun. 25th, 2018 09:47 am (UTC)
I hope Hope is with you this morning as you look forward, and i hope the universe sends you to a place where your compassion and light are needed but that also holds you with respect and compassion, as well.
xjenavivex
Jun. 25th, 2018 01:47 pm (UTC)

I'm sorry it jui

xjenavivex
Jun. 25th, 2018 01:48 pm (UTC)

Hurts.

padiwack
Jun. 25th, 2018 06:51 pm (UTC)
(((hugs)))
wherdafux_d_cat
Jun. 26th, 2018 05:03 pm (UTC)
It sucks when doing the right thing hurts so much. But not doing it would have hurt you more. Take care of you.
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )